and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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