She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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