I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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