i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I just blew my weed a kiss
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
