I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
