VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize