haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Randomize
