Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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