He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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