All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
