The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
