Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
operation have a gay friend backfired
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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