I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
