thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
