I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Randomize