You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
