just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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