But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I am puke
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
