About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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