I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
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