dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Randomize
