Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
