The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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