Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
