Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
