I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
