if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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