Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
