I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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