i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
then he tried to convert me to islam
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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