I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
