Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
