I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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