my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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