i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
