Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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