My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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