we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
