If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Randomize
