I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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