i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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