oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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