During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You took a bar mat shot.
Found the puke drawer
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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