...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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