come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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