do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
