Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
