I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
whose parrot is this?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
