Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
