I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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