Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
