How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
