Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
