i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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