I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
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