I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
