apparently the secret to your success is patron
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
