So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
