I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
