I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
She has the best kind of daddy issues
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
