Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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