theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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