Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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