i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
