Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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