wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
