Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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