i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
