Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
