according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
