Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
