She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
